a new home

yesterday was a pick-a-page day. ahnaf chose the page from the Oxford Advanced Learner's dictionary.

"page 61: assiduous: working hard and showing careful attention to detail"

and yesterday was a family day as well. we went to the new opened tesco at rawang, ate some nice foods and strolled along shops. bought some stuffs but we didn't spend too much time there. for me, it was short and sweet.

alhamdulillah, so very glad that i got all my things back from Melbourne. thank you so much Najwa for your hospitality in keeping my box for me. man, it was heavy. but all my stuffs were in there; most importantly my favourite jeans and japanese textbooks. now i can soak myself into japanese words again; though sensei, it will never be the same without you =(

that's okay, i'll find a way. like how i opened my mouth to speak my intention to ipoh to celebrate his birthday. it was wonderful and splendid. thank you for letting me go, ma. i really appreciate it..

so far, things have been complicated. i guess they have always been that way, the only question is to how best i can manage. i admittedly realize that i'm not very strong- all i do is just keep walking. sometimes i feel that i cannot see the future anymore; life is always unpredictable. but something urges me to take a few small steps ahead, one step at a time.

and see how things go then. besides, most things are not absolute, as we all know. for example, the internet connectivity in Desa Melur is almost 70% less efficient than it was in Taman Melati. we are thinking about changing to streamyx, especially with me working, mama more widely socializing and my siblings keep growing. it is an upgrade of the family. another change is, i don't have to think too much about my youngest brothers anymore- they are no longer kids. so i should spend more time for myself, and worry less. or, i should worry more about myself. uwm, that sounds worrying.

last but not least, i love Sherlock Holmes the movie. it simply inspires, put me in awe. i wonder about becoming one. hmm.

this is the only entry for february 2010

sorry for the late post..

happy birthday my love..

=)

p/s: happy belated beday too, afiq (or kupan? hahaha~~) (=

together we stand, together we strive

when i was only at page 68, i said it was a thrill; that i could see something was opening up. but when i came to page 300, it was full of confusion and conflict. a life story, especially a good one, is always more complicated, unsettling though at the same time revealing, than we have ever imagine it may be.

at some point after that, i thought that maybe i should stop reading. or perhaps i should have never started reading it. with a novel, i could easily do that, but i didn't, because i felt that i need to know the ending of the story.

and somehow it is the same with life. through thick and thin, no matter how it started and whatever lies on the way, like you said, 'the end is what matters the most'.

that's how i keep on going, with you. that's how i stay, that's how i never let you go. we have always dreamed and longed for this love; i want you just as much as you want me.

that's why we'll go on, slowly and steadily. we may stumble on the way, we may fall on slippery edges, but we'll stand together again. we cannot promise anything to each other, but we will try our best.

as for the rest, we let Allah decides. for it is in His hands that everything is written, all prayers end up upon. o Allah, please forgive us for our sins and help us through. we need You so, so much.

ameen.

cv cepat lah siap..

i'm not used to feeling stranded. i am claustrophobic, and sometimes feel like i am put into an air-tight bottle, sealed. no matter how much i scream, my voice cannot penetrate through.

perhaps it is me to blame. yes, i think it is. maybe i am always a stranger, someone who cannot fit in with others.

and no matter how many stories i want to tell, i am better off with my mouth shut. and i think i'm doing it better day by day.

perhaps it is always better this way, especially if it saves a lot of hurt.

happy new year..

i don't know which comes and stay and which comes and go. but i know that family stays.

tho someday all my brothers and sister will eventually go, towards their own ambitions; to build their own lives. they will leave the house. i don't know where i'm going, yet i cannot stay either; i know that eventually i must go, too.

but if i ever lose everything, they are all that i've got. God i love them, and i am always proud of them.

Phil Collins- You'll Be In My Heart

Come stop your crying

It will be all right

Just take my hand Hold it tight

I will protect you

from all around you

I will be here

Don't you cry

For one so small,

you seem so strong

My arms will hold you,

keep you safe and warm

This bond between us

Can't be broken

I will be here

Don't you cry

'Cause you'll be in my heart

Yes, you'll be in my heart

From this day on

Now and forever more

You'll be in my heart

No matter what they say

You'll be here in my heart, always

Why can't they understand

the way we feel

They just don't trust

what they can't explain

I know we're different but,

deep inside us

We're not that different at all

And you'll be in my heart

Yes, you'll be in my heart

From this day on

Now and forever more

Don't listen to them

'Cause what do they know

We need each other,

to have, to hold

They'll see in time

I know

When destiny calls you

You must be strong

I may not be with you

But you've got to hold on

They'll see in time

I know

We'll show them together

'Cause you'll be in my heart

Yes, you'll be in my heart

From this day on,

Now and forever more

Oh, you'll be in my heart

No matter what they say

You'll be in my heart, always

Always

soulja, kiss me thru' the phone

perhaps because my bubbles of ideas have somehow burst and flew away or that it is due to me being so preoccupied while trying to survive through an unprecedented study life, that i have come to write less. or maybe because the mysteries of life have unfolded in front of me faster than i can express them through writing, which erased the need to write them. of which is true, i am unsure.

however, even as a person who always try to retain what i can and i think i should, like the basic principles and beliefs which i have understood and embraced, or the precious people in my life that i have come to love and vowed to protect, i still have to admit that things do change, such as the frequency, style and content of my writings.

and that, there is always a trigger to a good post- an inspiration- that sparks and lifts me up whenever i read a good book such as one i'm reading now.

handle with care, by jodi picoult.

i don't know what other people think about a good post; for me, my good post is when i can write a fluent english composition of what i sincerely feel. it feels like i have gained something good and that i can share it with others, even when sometimes i haven't really found what i'm looking for. it is simply the safety and the easiness to convey what i think i feel deep down inside me. i always know that this road is long and it's not yet ending. i mean, i'm only at page 68 ;p

but i can feel the thrill, and the ability to convey this is assuring. something is opening up.

may we all be blessed with good books =) ameen..

p/s: somehow i have realized that i want to eat healthily, not for anyone else but my future babies :D

dengan sukacitanya dimaklumkan

baru seperti semalam terima surat tawaran dari petronas untuk pengajian bachelor of science di australia, dengan wajah blur dan selamba. gembira tidak, stress tidak, bangga tidak. hanya memikirkan yang seperti biasa, ada kerja yang harus disiapkan.

setahun di kolej dan 3 tahun di universiti. seperti rojak.

dan malam tadi semuanya sudah selesai. satu degree sudah terlaksana. insyaAllah graduasi pada 15 disember 2009.

ada beberapa perkara pasti akan berubah, seperti aku insyaAllah akan bekerja dengan petronas. dan ada beberapa perkara tak pernah berubah, seperti aku nak kawen, nak kawen, nak kawen. haha~~ =)

doakan yang terbaik untuk kita semua insyaAllah ameen..dan terima kasih atas doa, cinta, pertolongan, masa dan kesabaran kalian semua. walaupun sayangku sangat merendah diri untuk menerimanya, perempuanmu akan sentiasa tetap degil untuk berterima kasih.

sebesar-besar alhamdulillah dari dasar kehinaanku, Tuhanku.