so the career era has started. it hasnt arrived to the full-blown mode yet, but things do somehow weigh heavier. all theories ive encountered in life so far are put on the test. the future, when in one hand is always unpredictable, in the other hand is always governable and can be planned.
so that's what i have started to do- to plan my life and to execute my plan and to see results. i am now leading my own life, and God knows in 5-10 years? time i'll be leading my own family's life as well.
and so, the preparations for the days to come is crucial. seriously crucial.
the book given by my interviewer has proven to be useful. (azizi ali- millionaires are from a different planet). it gives huge realization about the importance of planning your personal finance and very good step-by-step tips on how to be financially secured (its obviously a book on how to be a millionaire but let's not aim too high ;p).
but yeah, there's nothing wrong to become a millionaire :D ameen3...
Sunday, 20 June 2010
Wednesday, 9 June 2010
when you want something, the universe conspires to make it happen
i arrived at rawang ktm station at 1016am. the 1015am was almost leaving the station. i still hadnt bought my ticket, and the queue was long. the train would depart any minute now. at first i just thought that i probably wont make it.
it was 10.17am now and as i queued, i took a look at the departure timetable- the next train would depart rawang at 10.45am, which means i have to wait another 30 minutes for the next train. i have waited that long for the bus which brought me from my residential area to rawang, and for the love of God i dont want to wait again for the train. but, considering that i might not be able to catch this train, i was reluctant to pray and hope and instead found myself preparing mentally to wait for another half an hour.
it was at that instant that i remembered what my boss had said- if you want it, you will get it. at that time it was almost 10.18am, the queue was still long and i knew that unless a miracle happens, i wont catch this train im writing this post in.
but i gathered my courage and put all my confidence into my prayer and hoped that somehow, somehow i could board this 10.15am's scheduled train. the time was now 10.18am.
suddenly, a new ticket counter opened next to the current counter and i quickly got out from the queue and went straight to the next counter. as i was paying for the ticket, the train doors were already closed so i slowed my pace a little, having doubt that i might not be able to go into this train after all. but the train was moving so slowly and i saw the button 'press to open door' so i pressed it, and the door opened. i think i was the last person to board the train.
it all happened in about 5 minutes, but boy, i learnt a lot about the power of will and prayer :)
p/s: happy birthday ahnaf amir ;) mau kek tunggu my first gaji ok..hehe~~
it was 10.17am now and as i queued, i took a look at the departure timetable- the next train would depart rawang at 10.45am, which means i have to wait another 30 minutes for the next train. i have waited that long for the bus which brought me from my residential area to rawang, and for the love of God i dont want to wait again for the train. but, considering that i might not be able to catch this train, i was reluctant to pray and hope and instead found myself preparing mentally to wait for another half an hour.
it was at that instant that i remembered what my boss had said- if you want it, you will get it. at that time it was almost 10.18am, the queue was still long and i knew that unless a miracle happens, i wont catch this train im writing this post in.
but i gathered my courage and put all my confidence into my prayer and hoped that somehow, somehow i could board this 10.15am's scheduled train. the time was now 10.18am.
suddenly, a new ticket counter opened next to the current counter and i quickly got out from the queue and went straight to the next counter. as i was paying for the ticket, the train doors were already closed so i slowed my pace a little, having doubt that i might not be able to go into this train after all. but the train was moving so slowly and i saw the button 'press to open door' so i pressed it, and the door opened. i think i was the last person to board the train.
it all happened in about 5 minutes, but boy, i learnt a lot about the power of will and prayer :)
p/s: happy birthday ahnaf amir ;) mau kek tunggu my first gaji ok..hehe~~
Monday, 24 May 2010
my lips is itchy and is becoming red. i think its the allergies
it looks like i left my little shelter here unkept for quite some time :)
alhamdulillah im officially accepted into the biggest company in malaysia and is now undergoing my training. phew. its a big thank you to The Almighty and my loved ones who always stay by me no matter how hard things turn out to be. abah, ma, adik2, sayang, pck amer and family, petronas, dearest friends and their family as well as supportive society members, thank you so much. thank you.
thank you again.
i'll try to keep this little niche of mine company, though i have to admit that my time would surely be restricted. i told my boyfriend that i want to write as ambitious as ever, as committed as my inspiring interviewer, but he told me to be realistic- though its hard to admit, i wont have much leisure time to spend on my blog anymore. but i know that he knows how stubborn i am. i'll just let fate decide where my stubbornness will end up then :D
for the short memo of the things ive missed writing:
1. the program im attending is called PIPE (Petronas Induction Programme for new Executives). i found many marvellous, sometimes mischievous though high achievers new petronas executives here. all are amiable and have high potential in showing exceptional performance in their respective fields. each session are competitive (because we made it to, not because we necessarily need it to be ;p) and very much enjoyable. but i need to constantly remind myself that im in the middle of a job right now; play time should be managed well. nevertheless, meeting all these comrades is a real good deal. like one of the petronas staff said, these are the people that you'll grow in the organisation with. and so far things have been nothing but memorable experience. for example, today i gave elephants their bath and feed my favourite animal since i was small- the giraffes. we went to zoo negara for a corporate social responsibility service. i'll get my loved ones to go volunteer here as well. it was a one-of-a-kind experience for me, so i hope others can get the chance too. if anyone wants to volunteer please tell me :)
2. spiffy died last saturday. at first he was sick due to food poisoning; he liked to eat almost anything he could get his paws on and the mackerel in tin that we bought for him somehow was already bad. we brought him to the nearest animal clinic and got him some med and other foods. a week later he recovered almost thoroughly, before..one day awin accidentally glided the gate onto sleeping spiffy. his paws were bleeding and he had traumas, he got terrified and was shaking to his wake. i almost cried seeing him limped but i knew that i had to be strong for him. so i kept strong. but days later, when he almost recovered and started to jump out from my lap that i was so happy, a neighbour of ours pulled one of his ear until he was in middle air and his inner ear bled. since that incident, he refused to eat and drink. i cant express how sad and helpless i felt for him. i had to prepare for my PIPE program the next week. on the morning of Saturday 15th of May 2010, i kissed him before i went to klcc to meet my friends for financial support. i never thought that it would be the last time that i kiss him. even now i miss him so much that sometimes it gave me nightmares and each time i remembered the day and how he died, i had a tough time to hold back my tears. but i know that he's happy with Him now. :)
im holding on, and like he said, we'll strive it through insha Allah..ameen3..
alhamdulillah im officially accepted into the biggest company in malaysia and is now undergoing my training. phew. its a big thank you to The Almighty and my loved ones who always stay by me no matter how hard things turn out to be. abah, ma, adik2, sayang, pck amer and family, petronas, dearest friends and their family as well as supportive society members, thank you so much. thank you.
thank you again.
i'll try to keep this little niche of mine company, though i have to admit that my time would surely be restricted. i told my boyfriend that i want to write as ambitious as ever, as committed as my inspiring interviewer, but he told me to be realistic- though its hard to admit, i wont have much leisure time to spend on my blog anymore. but i know that he knows how stubborn i am. i'll just let fate decide where my stubbornness will end up then :D
for the short memo of the things ive missed writing:
1. the program im attending is called PIPE (Petronas Induction Programme for new Executives). i found many marvellous, sometimes mischievous though high achievers new petronas executives here. all are amiable and have high potential in showing exceptional performance in their respective fields. each session are competitive (because we made it to, not because we necessarily need it to be ;p) and very much enjoyable. but i need to constantly remind myself that im in the middle of a job right now; play time should be managed well. nevertheless, meeting all these comrades is a real good deal. like one of the petronas staff said, these are the people that you'll grow in the organisation with. and so far things have been nothing but memorable experience. for example, today i gave elephants their bath and feed my favourite animal since i was small- the giraffes. we went to zoo negara for a corporate social responsibility service. i'll get my loved ones to go volunteer here as well. it was a one-of-a-kind experience for me, so i hope others can get the chance too. if anyone wants to volunteer please tell me :)
2. spiffy died last saturday. at first he was sick due to food poisoning; he liked to eat almost anything he could get his paws on and the mackerel in tin that we bought for him somehow was already bad. we brought him to the nearest animal clinic and got him some med and other foods. a week later he recovered almost thoroughly, before..one day awin accidentally glided the gate onto sleeping spiffy. his paws were bleeding and he had traumas, he got terrified and was shaking to his wake. i almost cried seeing him limped but i knew that i had to be strong for him. so i kept strong. but days later, when he almost recovered and started to jump out from my lap that i was so happy, a neighbour of ours pulled one of his ear until he was in middle air and his inner ear bled. since that incident, he refused to eat and drink. i cant express how sad and helpless i felt for him. i had to prepare for my PIPE program the next week. on the morning of Saturday 15th of May 2010, i kissed him before i went to klcc to meet my friends for financial support. i never thought that it would be the last time that i kiss him. even now i miss him so much that sometimes it gave me nightmares and each time i remembered the day and how he died, i had a tough time to hold back my tears. but i know that he's happy with Him now. :)
im holding on, and like he said, we'll strive it through insha Allah..ameen3..
Monday, 5 April 2010
hey, its 645pm mr headache
i remembered the title of a book written by Mrs Y (i forgot the author) last night entitled 'as i was passing by'. perhaps that's the best that can describe what i wanted to relate in this post.
jodi picoult triggered my will and idea to write, again. i bought her newest book 'house rules' at kinokuniya last tuesday after my interview, and has been reading it since. i'm now at page 135. and perhaps because i still cannot stop reading it i even bring it out and read it inside the car while we were on our way to KKB. as a result, i got headache.
or maybe the headache was because i didnt eat before we got on the road. or because the road was curvy and the journey was quite long i hadnt anticipated it. or perhaps because the aircond was on too long and the car windows werent open that i felt suffocated. many times i figured out that my sickness were mostly psychologically related rather than externally caused. for example, my perfectionism makes me feel nauseous when something unanticipated occurs, because i feel i cannot do enough preparation to handle the late notice.
and now i probably sound like a freak. whatsoever, there are some things about myself that i have discovered in recent years, and the reason i stated them out is because i cannot draw out appropriate measures to problems i havent appropriately address. its a mechanism of coping and changing for the better, i can positively say.
because when abah passed away i didnt appropriately blurt out what i exactly feel, simply because i was so small i didnt know how to react, so i found my way out through excelling in my studies rather than facing my sadness and grief directly. my success was actually an escapism.
i dont regret it, because alhamdulillah Allah is Most Loving that things turned out to be good; i am here for everything i have experienced and did so far. but i realized that somehow my sunken, hidden wounds started to open up and are taking its credits, that i cannot ignore their effects anymore. thus i learned, and came out with a lesson that certain feelings shouldnt be locked inside our heart; it should be communicated. and how Allah is Most Gracious He blesses me with people who understand and are always be pleased to help.
next time if i have a chance to meet my interviewer again and jodi picoult, i'd like to thank them for indirectly helped me to realize many important things in my life. i thank you.
due to the headache i made a decision not to read anymore on our way back. so what i did was to observe the things happening around us while mama was driving. i noticed that some cyclists (mostly students) cycle along the traffic and some cycle against the traffic, which i thought can be a problem. imagine having two students cycling on the same road but at a point, are on the opposite directions of each other. that can be confusing and dangerous as well, because automatically they will pass each other and make a two-way traffic all by themselves, unless one decides to give way to another.
i suggest that there should be a law that says cyclists should cycle against the traffic ONLY, not along and against the traffic at the same time. more importantly, parents should guide their children about road safety, especially when their route includes main roads which can become crazy with speeding cars and red-lights' intruders.
yesterday while strolling the aisles at tesco, i noticed a father with his three children, one of them a baby resting on the trolley chewing newspaper. without a second thought i started to reach out my hand to take away the newspaper out of the baby's mouth when i realized that his father was there, looking at the baby and didnt stop the child from chewing it. i had to quickly walk away from them to stop myself from lecturing the father- which i was about to do without a second thought as well; plus due to the fact that mama said 'biarlah anak orang bukan anak kamu'.
two to three times i looked back to that same father and yup, he still ignored his baby as if the newspaper, loaded with carbon prints and unhealthy chemicals was a perfect toy for his child. i could only shake my head. that was why i stopped mama from buying gaseous drink for rais as usual, even though when we got back he sulked and searched for fights with ahnaf, which then ended up with all of us sleeping at about 1am and i practically got backache. so much for trying to save him from killing himself with doses of acids (he loves coke too much).
the sounds made by our proton wira drives me crazy- when mama corners it sounds like bones being stretched and almost break, which made me put more attention on the road. we got pass some old chinese residents, made from plain woods with hardly any branded furniture. it made me think of flat cold floor with no cushions and cozy pillows, open air and too bright living room and dull colors from in front to the back of the house. i then implied that these houses are not comfortable at all, which is why chinese people can become so victorious- they are never in a comfort zone, because they dont have one.
and that house's image plays inside their head, transferred into a strong ideology of 'always striving and there should never be enough' even until they are rich enough to own a house as big as a palace- perhaps some things never reside away.
i asked rais who happened to follow mama and me and was sitting at the back seat to hand me a candy ustaz gave us earlier in pusat zakat. he offered me a mint candy with a chocolate fill at the centre, which i loathe the most, and of course i rejected it; i asked for an ice tea candy in lieu. i cannot understand why they gave the name of the candy 'dynamite', because warm, slimy chocolate fill flowing through my mint candy onto my toungue so contrast with previous minty feeling would have nothing to do with any bursting flavour.
i hated the candy and all its likes since i was 6. i guess there are things about me that never change, even though my life has changed substantially during its course. mama then talked about how she remembered driving perhaps the oldest, almost rotten, barely alive toyota, painted blue-black and didnt even have signal lights from my past house to KKB, during our very hard times. i silently prayed that i got the job in petronas; i want to buy us better cars, i want to change some things for our family, and i hope the changes are for the better.
insyaAllah ameen.
p/s: happy 14th birthday awin amir ;-)
jodi picoult triggered my will and idea to write, again. i bought her newest book 'house rules' at kinokuniya last tuesday after my interview, and has been reading it since. i'm now at page 135. and perhaps because i still cannot stop reading it i even bring it out and read it inside the car while we were on our way to KKB. as a result, i got headache.
or maybe the headache was because i didnt eat before we got on the road. or because the road was curvy and the journey was quite long i hadnt anticipated it. or perhaps because the aircond was on too long and the car windows werent open that i felt suffocated. many times i figured out that my sickness were mostly psychologically related rather than externally caused. for example, my perfectionism makes me feel nauseous when something unanticipated occurs, because i feel i cannot do enough preparation to handle the late notice.
and now i probably sound like a freak. whatsoever, there are some things about myself that i have discovered in recent years, and the reason i stated them out is because i cannot draw out appropriate measures to problems i havent appropriately address. its a mechanism of coping and changing for the better, i can positively say.
because when abah passed away i didnt appropriately blurt out what i exactly feel, simply because i was so small i didnt know how to react, so i found my way out through excelling in my studies rather than facing my sadness and grief directly. my success was actually an escapism.
i dont regret it, because alhamdulillah Allah is Most Loving that things turned out to be good; i am here for everything i have experienced and did so far. but i realized that somehow my sunken, hidden wounds started to open up and are taking its credits, that i cannot ignore their effects anymore. thus i learned, and came out with a lesson that certain feelings shouldnt be locked inside our heart; it should be communicated. and how Allah is Most Gracious He blesses me with people who understand and are always be pleased to help.
next time if i have a chance to meet my interviewer again and jodi picoult, i'd like to thank them for indirectly helped me to realize many important things in my life. i thank you.
due to the headache i made a decision not to read anymore on our way back. so what i did was to observe the things happening around us while mama was driving. i noticed that some cyclists (mostly students) cycle along the traffic and some cycle against the traffic, which i thought can be a problem. imagine having two students cycling on the same road but at a point, are on the opposite directions of each other. that can be confusing and dangerous as well, because automatically they will pass each other and make a two-way traffic all by themselves, unless one decides to give way to another.
i suggest that there should be a law that says cyclists should cycle against the traffic ONLY, not along and against the traffic at the same time. more importantly, parents should guide their children about road safety, especially when their route includes main roads which can become crazy with speeding cars and red-lights' intruders.
yesterday while strolling the aisles at tesco, i noticed a father with his three children, one of them a baby resting on the trolley chewing newspaper. without a second thought i started to reach out my hand to take away the newspaper out of the baby's mouth when i realized that his father was there, looking at the baby and didnt stop the child from chewing it. i had to quickly walk away from them to stop myself from lecturing the father- which i was about to do without a second thought as well; plus due to the fact that mama said 'biarlah anak orang bukan anak kamu'.
two to three times i looked back to that same father and yup, he still ignored his baby as if the newspaper, loaded with carbon prints and unhealthy chemicals was a perfect toy for his child. i could only shake my head. that was why i stopped mama from buying gaseous drink for rais as usual, even though when we got back he sulked and searched for fights with ahnaf, which then ended up with all of us sleeping at about 1am and i practically got backache. so much for trying to save him from killing himself with doses of acids (he loves coke too much).
the sounds made by our proton wira drives me crazy- when mama corners it sounds like bones being stretched and almost break, which made me put more attention on the road. we got pass some old chinese residents, made from plain woods with hardly any branded furniture. it made me think of flat cold floor with no cushions and cozy pillows, open air and too bright living room and dull colors from in front to the back of the house. i then implied that these houses are not comfortable at all, which is why chinese people can become so victorious- they are never in a comfort zone, because they dont have one.
and that house's image plays inside their head, transferred into a strong ideology of 'always striving and there should never be enough' even until they are rich enough to own a house as big as a palace- perhaps some things never reside away.
i asked rais who happened to follow mama and me and was sitting at the back seat to hand me a candy ustaz gave us earlier in pusat zakat. he offered me a mint candy with a chocolate fill at the centre, which i loathe the most, and of course i rejected it; i asked for an ice tea candy in lieu. i cannot understand why they gave the name of the candy 'dynamite', because warm, slimy chocolate fill flowing through my mint candy onto my toungue so contrast with previous minty feeling would have nothing to do with any bursting flavour.
i hated the candy and all its likes since i was 6. i guess there are things about me that never change, even though my life has changed substantially during its course. mama then talked about how she remembered driving perhaps the oldest, almost rotten, barely alive toyota, painted blue-black and didnt even have signal lights from my past house to KKB, during our very hard times. i silently prayed that i got the job in petronas; i want to buy us better cars, i want to change some things for our family, and i hope the changes are for the better.
insyaAllah ameen.
p/s: happy 14th birthday awin amir ;-)
Wednesday, 31 March 2010
rm3708, level 37, tower 1
i don't really know what to conclude from yesterday's interview. perhaps because i found that i had so many shortcomings. but as mr faruk has mentioned, flaws are to be discovered and corrected.
so here i begin.
i wasn't sufficiently prepared for the interview. it has been very long since i had a good discussion which can build up my knowledge- i have left my books and done less readings after i graduated, lost contacts with most of my friends, been stuck at home and not really communicating actively. thus it affected my confidence somehow that i found myself struggling with the correct words and the right impressions for the interviewers.
second, i didn't had enough rest. this may not actually my fault; because things happened and all i could do was trying my best. i had a short notice on monday morning to come fill an empty interview slot the next day, and because i thought all i had to do was come to klcc the next morning and the email that i was about to receive was only regarding the details of the location and time of interview, i agreed to make an appearance.
however, i was instructed to do a questionnaire of 108 questions and also to complete online details and submitting my resume online, and i had to complete these before the interview session. apart from that, i had to prepare relevant documents and bring them to be certified. the internet connection in my house was very slow; the online page was barely downloaded and i almost cried thinking that i might not be able to settle the questionnaire on time. however my mother and boyfriend was very supportive, mama drove me here and there to help me settle the certifying thingy and my boyfriend called and voiced out each one of the questionnaire from number 1 until 108. it took us about three hours to complete. boy, i was very lucky. i slept then at about 2am and woke up at 430am to finish my online resume submission wherein i had to write an essay on why i should be hired. i didn't regret all that had happened; it taught me how in difficult times i have to hold on and to make sure i keep doing the best that i can, although to some extent it did affect my performance during the interview the next day.
on the other hand, i had two very supportive interviewers who didn't mind bearing with me and keep being positive throughout the whole interview. they helped me to expand my responses and give constructive criticisms to make me realize my mistakes and do immediate improvements for the better. to make amend, i told myself that a part of me which swings aimlessly; undecided, afraid to make approach, a part of me that thinks too much yet act less, should be halted. i vowed to upgrade my knowledge of the global world, being more matured not only in attitude-wise but also in knowledge sense. in short, i want to be more resourceful. insyaAllah ameen...
i don't know the result for the interview. they informed me that i can call after two weeks time. i really hope that i get the job, i really hope that i'll be given a chance to make amends. ameen ameen ameen...i'm touched that myra's mum did solat hajat for me. thank you so much mum.. :) and i want to thank mama, sayang, and the petronas staffs that have helped me so much in making sure that everything went well. alhamdulillah, all praises to Allah the highly exalted.
all's well that ends well, insyaAllah. ameen...
so here i begin.
i wasn't sufficiently prepared for the interview. it has been very long since i had a good discussion which can build up my knowledge- i have left my books and done less readings after i graduated, lost contacts with most of my friends, been stuck at home and not really communicating actively. thus it affected my confidence somehow that i found myself struggling with the correct words and the right impressions for the interviewers.
second, i didn't had enough rest. this may not actually my fault; because things happened and all i could do was trying my best. i had a short notice on monday morning to come fill an empty interview slot the next day, and because i thought all i had to do was come to klcc the next morning and the email that i was about to receive was only regarding the details of the location and time of interview, i agreed to make an appearance.
however, i was instructed to do a questionnaire of 108 questions and also to complete online details and submitting my resume online, and i had to complete these before the interview session. apart from that, i had to prepare relevant documents and bring them to be certified. the internet connection in my house was very slow; the online page was barely downloaded and i almost cried thinking that i might not be able to settle the questionnaire on time. however my mother and boyfriend was very supportive, mama drove me here and there to help me settle the certifying thingy and my boyfriend called and voiced out each one of the questionnaire from number 1 until 108. it took us about three hours to complete. boy, i was very lucky. i slept then at about 2am and woke up at 430am to finish my online resume submission wherein i had to write an essay on why i should be hired. i didn't regret all that had happened; it taught me how in difficult times i have to hold on and to make sure i keep doing the best that i can, although to some extent it did affect my performance during the interview the next day.
on the other hand, i had two very supportive interviewers who didn't mind bearing with me and keep being positive throughout the whole interview. they helped me to expand my responses and give constructive criticisms to make me realize my mistakes and do immediate improvements for the better. to make amend, i told myself that a part of me which swings aimlessly; undecided, afraid to make approach, a part of me that thinks too much yet act less, should be halted. i vowed to upgrade my knowledge of the global world, being more matured not only in attitude-wise but also in knowledge sense. in short, i want to be more resourceful. insyaAllah ameen...
i don't know the result for the interview. they informed me that i can call after two weeks time. i really hope that i get the job, i really hope that i'll be given a chance to make amends. ameen ameen ameen...i'm touched that myra's mum did solat hajat for me. thank you so much mum.. :) and i want to thank mama, sayang, and the petronas staffs that have helped me so much in making sure that everything went well. alhamdulillah, all praises to Allah the highly exalted.
all's well that ends well, insyaAllah. ameen...
Thursday, 25 March 2010
encik aliah bersamamu, 25032010
i just finished watching 'the informant' starred by matt damon. i dont know why, his movies always have a way to make my head think of what i perhaps never brought myself to ponder upon. this time, it is about lying.
it scares me to tears to think about what could have been; the worst case scenario, i mean. how people can get swayed so far away doing a wrong thing, be it any types of crimes- stealing, cheating, white collar crimes, killing, even arguing with your friends and not respecting your own family- without knowing how big a disaster it has made upon you. when and how to stop. who would helped you realize that all the way, it has all been...wrong. and will you get the strength to change for the better, or will you even have the time and chances to mend things, to put things right. will there be people to help you get through your past, your guilt, your loss.
people can be so blinded by their ambitions, dreams and even themselves that they cannot see the truth anymore. more importantly when we are living in a world where religion and moral values are at second, well, perhaps third (or last?) place in human's heart, it is not easy to see and practice the solution to this problem anymore. one thing that comes into my mind then is that, i just hope i'll die well. and that i'll be saved. and i hope that everyone whom i know accept the same grateful fate. ameen.
all these uncertainties and fright for the future makes me contemplate how far people can go strolling down his or her life just to realize how much they love all the people that they left back home. and that all i have wanted is a life been blessed, no matter how hard it may be. it is hard to stay true to yourself, it's hard to stand being patient when life throws rubbish at your face, it's hard dealing with people with very different characteristics from yourself, it's hard to be intrapersonal sometimes, it's hard to keep your head high and continue trying to keep your pace with other people, not wanting to be left out, when sometimes you actually dont even care.
i was touched with this week's episode of 'bersamamu'. like malay people said, 'sudah jatuh ditimpa tangga.' but i am deeply amazed by their spirit to make living and dealing with their drawbacks. the husband said that whenever he works, even if he doesnt stop for a rest at all, his wife never asks him to take a break, and he's okay with it. he said, 'we do as much as we can.' i found it beautiful because it gives them a clear purpose to live, when many of us are granted so many but still are lost in reasoning. but i guess, a soul is gifted with what it is able to carry.
alhamdulillah, we are still loved and blessed. alhamdulillah.
off to bed. take good care everyone. assalamualaikum and sleep tight.. =)
it scares me to tears to think about what could have been; the worst case scenario, i mean. how people can get swayed so far away doing a wrong thing, be it any types of crimes- stealing, cheating, white collar crimes, killing, even arguing with your friends and not respecting your own family- without knowing how big a disaster it has made upon you. when and how to stop. who would helped you realize that all the way, it has all been...wrong. and will you get the strength to change for the better, or will you even have the time and chances to mend things, to put things right. will there be people to help you get through your past, your guilt, your loss.
people can be so blinded by their ambitions, dreams and even themselves that they cannot see the truth anymore. more importantly when we are living in a world where religion and moral values are at second, well, perhaps third (or last?) place in human's heart, it is not easy to see and practice the solution to this problem anymore. one thing that comes into my mind then is that, i just hope i'll die well. and that i'll be saved. and i hope that everyone whom i know accept the same grateful fate. ameen.
all these uncertainties and fright for the future makes me contemplate how far people can go strolling down his or her life just to realize how much they love all the people that they left back home. and that all i have wanted is a life been blessed, no matter how hard it may be. it is hard to stay true to yourself, it's hard to stand being patient when life throws rubbish at your face, it's hard dealing with people with very different characteristics from yourself, it's hard to be intrapersonal sometimes, it's hard to keep your head high and continue trying to keep your pace with other people, not wanting to be left out, when sometimes you actually dont even care.
i was touched with this week's episode of 'bersamamu'. like malay people said, 'sudah jatuh ditimpa tangga.' but i am deeply amazed by their spirit to make living and dealing with their drawbacks. the husband said that whenever he works, even if he doesnt stop for a rest at all, his wife never asks him to take a break, and he's okay with it. he said, 'we do as much as we can.' i found it beautiful because it gives them a clear purpose to live, when many of us are granted so many but still are lost in reasoning. but i guess, a soul is gifted with what it is able to carry.
alhamdulillah, we are still loved and blessed. alhamdulillah.
off to bed. take good care everyone. assalamualaikum and sleep tight.. =)
Saturday, 13 March 2010
akon- be with you
last week was quite a busy yet fulfilling one. nina broke three bones at work; i suddenly found myself in the train to kl sentral heading to her apartment at damansara about two hours after she called, still thinking about how i could be so drastic and committed about going. i have few friends; i don't socialize much and seldom travel far alone for a friend; even though i know that she needed help, i couldn't see anything that i can do for her.
but i guess it was because mama was so worried that the first thing in her mind was that nina needed help and someone had to be there, fast. at first i didn't mind going because i thought mama would accompany me as usual, but then she said she couldn't come because my brothers were having exams and she had to be home, and so i had to go alone. i have never been to nina's place before; i had to find my way there by myself. that made me realize how- because i have already accustomed to mama accompanying me everywhere when i am at home- that i had took her existence for granted. deep inside i have always dreamed to be like other girls my age who go places with their friends, driving cars to work and don't really stick at home. unlike me who sits at home, cooking, watching over my brothers, reading and watching movies. it sets such a juxtaposition to my education level; i am forced to think that "i'm supposed to do this and that, instead of being stuck at home".
frankly speaking, i don't really care. sometimes i feel that all i want to do is to be married to him, live happily as an obedient housewife and a good mother at home. but i know that's impossible; there would always be something inside me, something i am born with, something i'm destined to do, a bigger contribution for the whole world, a heavier responsibility, that will continuously starves for my attention. i need very supportive mother, husband and family that can understand my hunger in educating myself and the community, helping other people in significant and specific ways. although i know that the road won't be smooth, i simply can't ignore it.
if i should be sorry for anyone, i am very sorry.
three days with nina was not as surprising as i thought, but it still amazed me. i always hear about the life of wealthy people, but never had i a chance to be in one- through the life of one of my best friends. sometimes i thought it is ridiculous that nina regards me as one of her very valued friends. i used to think that other people can always have someone else that is better for them. i sincerely don't have anything to offer to anyone else; i just hope that i can be there when they need me, and i'll help in any way that i can insyaAllah.
through nina i learned how rich, genius and positive a person can be, but even with all that she has, she cannot live alone. i think that's a very beautiful example; sorta like telling me that it's okay to be imperfect and it's alright to depend on other people and ask for help when you need one. nina told me 'seorang ustaz bagitau nina, bila orang nak tolong biarkan dia tolong. kita jangan sekat dia buat baik, jangan taknak orang tolong sampai makan diri sendiri' when i helped her to the bathroom with her cane.
i loved her place very much when i found out that there's a swimming pool at the middle of the apartments. we spent about an hour in the morning and almost three hours in the evening swimming. i have always loved to swim, it made me think that perhaps i should add 'swimming pool' as a must-have item when i eventually own my house one day. well, of course if it's not too expensive. a cheaper alternative would be a house built near to a swimming pool accommodation. other stuffs that i have added to my must-have items are an oven, a laptop, and not so spacious and bright living room. perhaps i'll learn to sew too, so that i can make my own curtains and cushion covers just like makcik ros. i want a house that's always clean, pleasing, tranquil and homey. but i do like periodic changes and varieties; when i was small and had my own room i changed the positions of my bed and tables every two to three weeks.
on the second day, we ate at a restaurant named 'delicious', located at the first floor of one utama, which served the best food i have ever eaten in my whole life. for a not so wealthy person like me, i am completely sober to say that i'm not exaggerating. the food was so superb that i kept on smiling while eating, feeling so happy. i hope one day i can bring mama and adik2 there, and perhaps one day he and i can have a date there. maybe we can make it a once-in-a-year event. nina said it should be a once-in-a-month occasion. i smiled and shook my head. 'tgk lah kalau ade rezeki,' i said.
being with nina have always made me think about being rich. will i be able to be rich? what does it mean to be rich? will i be able to handle being rich?
'kalau kite fikir yang kita nak jadi kaya, set brapa banyak kita nak, contohnya 'aku nak sejuta' ke, tak kira lah berapa pun yang kita nak, takkan cukup. tapi fikir je macam ni, kita doa ya Allah, biarlah bila kita nak duit tu, dia ada dan cukup. tak kisah lah kalau kadang2 dalam poket kita tinggal 10 sen 20 sen, tapi takpe sebab time tu kita tak perlukan duit. yang penting bila kita nak beli ape2, nak bayar ape2, duit tu ade.' that's what nina told me.
'tapi cam mane dengan perancangan masa panjang? orang cakap, kita kena rancang untuk family nanti, untuk masa depan, kena saving, kan? jadi papepun, kene sentiasa ade duit jgak..' i prompted the question to her.
'yup..btul tu..jadi kita kene bezakan, mana yang kita perlu, mana tak perlu. mana yang kta nak, mana yang kita taknak. mana yang kita boleh dapat, mana tak boleh.' nina bounced back.
i guess being rich doesn't mean that we can have everything. that's a relief, because i will be terrified if i can have everything. it would be a world of complete mess and unsettling thoughts. but now that i realized that just as other advantages in the world, richness is a blessing to control.
and when i felt relieved after reaching home, it also made me realize that we can still be happy without being rich. but for me, Allah exposed me to being rich, to being well educated, to have this certain circle of friends, to have this certain kind of orphanhood and challenges throughout my adolescence days for a reason. somehow it gives me a purpose to live, different perspectives and open options as to how i should live my life.
and i hope through these knowledge i can slowly fill up the holes in my life, to innovate our lives and to correct my mistakes for myself and my family. i hope i can, we all can have a better ending for the stories of our lives.
ameen...
p/s: this post is kinda long, i know ;p
but i guess it was because mama was so worried that the first thing in her mind was that nina needed help and someone had to be there, fast. at first i didn't mind going because i thought mama would accompany me as usual, but then she said she couldn't come because my brothers were having exams and she had to be home, and so i had to go alone. i have never been to nina's place before; i had to find my way there by myself. that made me realize how- because i have already accustomed to mama accompanying me everywhere when i am at home- that i had took her existence for granted. deep inside i have always dreamed to be like other girls my age who go places with their friends, driving cars to work and don't really stick at home. unlike me who sits at home, cooking, watching over my brothers, reading and watching movies. it sets such a juxtaposition to my education level; i am forced to think that "i'm supposed to do this and that, instead of being stuck at home".
frankly speaking, i don't really care. sometimes i feel that all i want to do is to be married to him, live happily as an obedient housewife and a good mother at home. but i know that's impossible; there would always be something inside me, something i am born with, something i'm destined to do, a bigger contribution for the whole world, a heavier responsibility, that will continuously starves for my attention. i need very supportive mother, husband and family that can understand my hunger in educating myself and the community, helping other people in significant and specific ways. although i know that the road won't be smooth, i simply can't ignore it.
if i should be sorry for anyone, i am very sorry.
three days with nina was not as surprising as i thought, but it still amazed me. i always hear about the life of wealthy people, but never had i a chance to be in one- through the life of one of my best friends. sometimes i thought it is ridiculous that nina regards me as one of her very valued friends. i used to think that other people can always have someone else that is better for them. i sincerely don't have anything to offer to anyone else; i just hope that i can be there when they need me, and i'll help in any way that i can insyaAllah.
through nina i learned how rich, genius and positive a person can be, but even with all that she has, she cannot live alone. i think that's a very beautiful example; sorta like telling me that it's okay to be imperfect and it's alright to depend on other people and ask for help when you need one. nina told me 'seorang ustaz bagitau nina, bila orang nak tolong biarkan dia tolong. kita jangan sekat dia buat baik, jangan taknak orang tolong sampai makan diri sendiri' when i helped her to the bathroom with her cane.
i loved her place very much when i found out that there's a swimming pool at the middle of the apartments. we spent about an hour in the morning and almost three hours in the evening swimming. i have always loved to swim, it made me think that perhaps i should add 'swimming pool' as a must-have item when i eventually own my house one day. well, of course if it's not too expensive. a cheaper alternative would be a house built near to a swimming pool accommodation. other stuffs that i have added to my must-have items are an oven, a laptop, and not so spacious and bright living room. perhaps i'll learn to sew too, so that i can make my own curtains and cushion covers just like makcik ros. i want a house that's always clean, pleasing, tranquil and homey. but i do like periodic changes and varieties; when i was small and had my own room i changed the positions of my bed and tables every two to three weeks.
on the second day, we ate at a restaurant named 'delicious', located at the first floor of one utama, which served the best food i have ever eaten in my whole life. for a not so wealthy person like me, i am completely sober to say that i'm not exaggerating. the food was so superb that i kept on smiling while eating, feeling so happy. i hope one day i can bring mama and adik2 there, and perhaps one day he and i can have a date there. maybe we can make it a once-in-a-year event. nina said it should be a once-in-a-month occasion. i smiled and shook my head. 'tgk lah kalau ade rezeki,' i said.
being with nina have always made me think about being rich. will i be able to be rich? what does it mean to be rich? will i be able to handle being rich?
'kalau kite fikir yang kita nak jadi kaya, set brapa banyak kita nak, contohnya 'aku nak sejuta' ke, tak kira lah berapa pun yang kita nak, takkan cukup. tapi fikir je macam ni, kita doa ya Allah, biarlah bila kita nak duit tu, dia ada dan cukup. tak kisah lah kalau kadang2 dalam poket kita tinggal 10 sen 20 sen, tapi takpe sebab time tu kita tak perlukan duit. yang penting bila kita nak beli ape2, nak bayar ape2, duit tu ade.' that's what nina told me.
'tapi cam mane dengan perancangan masa panjang? orang cakap, kita kena rancang untuk family nanti, untuk masa depan, kena saving, kan? jadi papepun, kene sentiasa ade duit jgak..' i prompted the question to her.
'yup..btul tu..jadi kita kene bezakan, mana yang kita perlu, mana tak perlu. mana yang kta nak, mana yang kita taknak. mana yang kita boleh dapat, mana tak boleh.' nina bounced back.
i guess being rich doesn't mean that we can have everything. that's a relief, because i will be terrified if i can have everything. it would be a world of complete mess and unsettling thoughts. but now that i realized that just as other advantages in the world, richness is a blessing to control.
and when i felt relieved after reaching home, it also made me realize that we can still be happy without being rich. but for me, Allah exposed me to being rich, to being well educated, to have this certain circle of friends, to have this certain kind of orphanhood and challenges throughout my adolescence days for a reason. somehow it gives me a purpose to live, different perspectives and open options as to how i should live my life.
and i hope through these knowledge i can slowly fill up the holes in my life, to innovate our lives and to correct my mistakes for myself and my family. i hope i can, we all can have a better ending for the stories of our lives.
ameen...
p/s: this post is kinda long, i know ;p
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)