'n sync - this i promise you

do you remember, the gentle voice that always call your name through the wind? the tender hands that always reach for yours and accompany your every shaky steps? do you remember, the eyes that look straight into yours and can make you cry instantaneously or smile effortlessly?

just close your eyes
each loving day
and know this feeling won't go away
it won't go away

the missing times when thoughts were all i had, when i tried to vision you. and once you really came for me, i took small steps forward, slowly, just to make sure that i was not dreaming. the seconds when i could feel my own breaths between my heartbeats. and the warmth of your body, the wetness of your hair, the fabric of your shirt, tells it all. the shine in your eyes and your reckless smile tell me that i am not wrong, not at all. you really did came for me, and the times i have spent thinking and dreaming about you, calling your names between nightmares and sobs - they meant something,

that you have missed and loved me, just like i have missed and loved you, perhaps more.

it was worth the wait.

dearie melbourne, how have summer greeting you?

yes k Arie, i miss those times strolling down the painted walls in Melbourne. i miss those rainy days covered with furred heavy coat to uni or clayton, and the way we talked with the ausie people. somehow those times have been lonely, but those times were the times when we could really find time to do things; not caught in the crowd of too many people in the lrt. at least we had some pleasure of reading with the smell of grass near the lake, playing hide and seek with the ducks and doves. and we can walk anywhere just to look at things with a blank mind. i want to go back so badly now.


there were times back home that have made me feel so obliged and squeezed, to try to fit in into everyone's requests. back then in australia i didnt have to feel different even though i was different; because there was nothing wrong to be different - it only made it more interesting. i didnt made it to the highest level of social bond between the ausies, but at least i had been remembered. at least i had my chances to shine and express myself; i was even been encouraged to do that. but somehow back home these opportunities were walled, my own unspoken voices came out to me at night, scowling.


i miss those times when we just hang out on the weekends and do anything we wanted. i miss the times when we could go anywhere and feel secured, shopping with us ladies in chadstone and eating nandos after an awesome movie, and enjoying the decorations and seasons throughout the year. studies might have been rough and we cried but at least we had some good times to spend on ourselves - time that we had our own without having to feel obliged to follow others blindly. the time when everyone had an equal right of say.


i just want to have my own life. i highly appreciate company of high quality; i am educated that way. i choose people, and i am a serious chooser, as people will have a direct impact on my thinking and beliefs. and although i love to listen to others, i also want to be heard. i want to have normal happy conversations with everyone around me. i just want to have good times.

4 days to go..

abah..betul ke semua anak2 abah takde yg menyenangkan hati abah? camane qilah nak gembirakan orang-orang lain pula, kan..