maybe because of the winter. God i know there's always beauty in winter and that once i go back home i will surely miss it but i still cannot love it that much. my nose got stuffed and it bleeds and i cannot breath properly, causing my lack of sleep and headache i am amazed how my head can become so painful. and i am also thrilled at how i can be tired so easily. my sore throat too; they come and go without any warnings, especially late at night.
almost 22 weeks more to go. be patient, it's half of the Faith.
i want to do so much. so much that many times i got succumbed by my own thoughts and voices. the ideas keep spilling out and sometimes it's so daunting to think that i am still far from realizing them. i always think about whether i will have the time and strength and whether i will succeed in achieving my dreams. so cliche, yet so true. the same as when i think about how much i love you. i am afraid if i cannot make it and fulfill my promises.
yet you always tell me to keep it slow and steady, and convincing me that i will make it. at times when i feel like standing on my knees and cry you softly brush away my fears and hold me tight in your arms. it makes me realize that i am so lucky that God puts you in my life and be my dearest soulmate, so i should be thankful and strong. i love you so much. i love you always.
and as ust azli said we must have plans for 20 or even 50 years ahead. and while i was scrubbling them down i know that i must prepare my very best and enjoy every pinch of flavour my dreams are offering to me. o Allah, please grant us our wishes, set us as good examples and helpers to mankind and give us contentment now and hereafter.
ameen ya rabbal alameen.
