'n sync - this i promise you

do you remember, the gentle voice that always call your name through the wind? the tender hands that always reach for yours and accompany your every shaky steps? do you remember, the eyes that look straight into yours and can make you cry instantaneously or smile effortlessly?

just close your eyes
each loving day
and know this feeling won't go away
it won't go away

the missing times when thoughts were all i had, when i tried to vision you. and once you really came for me, i took small steps forward, slowly, just to make sure that i was not dreaming. the seconds when i could feel my own breaths between my heartbeats. and the warmth of your body, the wetness of your hair, the fabric of your shirt, tells it all. the shine in your eyes and your reckless smile tell me that i am not wrong, not at all. you really did came for me, and the times i have spent thinking and dreaming about you, calling your names between nightmares and sobs - they meant something,

that you have missed and loved me, just like i have missed and loved you, perhaps more.

it was worth the wait.

dearie melbourne, how have summer greeting you?

yes k Arie, i miss those times strolling down the painted walls in Melbourne. i miss those rainy days covered with furred heavy coat to uni or clayton, and the way we talked with the ausie people. somehow those times have been lonely, but those times were the times when we could really find time to do things; not caught in the crowd of too many people in the lrt. at least we had some pleasure of reading with the smell of grass near the lake, playing hide and seek with the ducks and doves. and we can walk anywhere just to look at things with a blank mind. i want to go back so badly now.


there were times back home that have made me feel so obliged and squeezed, to try to fit in into everyone's requests. back then in australia i didnt have to feel different even though i was different; because there was nothing wrong to be different - it only made it more interesting. i didnt made it to the highest level of social bond between the ausies, but at least i had been remembered. at least i had my chances to shine and express myself; i was even been encouraged to do that. but somehow back home these opportunities were walled, my own unspoken voices came out to me at night, scowling.


i miss those times when we just hang out on the weekends and do anything we wanted. i miss the times when we could go anywhere and feel secured, shopping with us ladies in chadstone and eating nandos after an awesome movie, and enjoying the decorations and seasons throughout the year. studies might have been rough and we cried but at least we had some good times to spend on ourselves - time that we had our own without having to feel obliged to follow others blindly. the time when everyone had an equal right of say.


i just want to have my own life. i highly appreciate company of high quality; i am educated that way. i choose people, and i am a serious chooser, as people will have a direct impact on my thinking and beliefs. and although i love to listen to others, i also want to be heard. i want to have normal happy conversations with everyone around me. i just want to have good times.

4 days to go..

abah..betul ke semua anak2 abah takde yg menyenangkan hati abah? camane qilah nak gembirakan orang-orang lain pula, kan..

celebrating with red-ribboned ketupats sewn with colourful buttons and delighting on macaroons in a tiny cute box. perhaps some japanese crepes too. good things last long hopefully, although they sometimes need to wait.

1. i want to read the Quran more often.
2. i want to be conversant in geoscience and geophysics
3. i want to have a better brain
4. i want to express my creativity through colours
5. i want to marry him as much as he does

although there are some things i never be able to fathom, words i dont know how to properly construct, bravery i am still trying to grasp, the future yet to be written.

 because i never know the good things that will come out of them.

 they will, i am sure of it now.

there is a pdf writer called Cutepdf Writer, and i just installed it

since projects have/will start soon-ish, the time when we all have to stay back at the office has come again, for better or for worse.

a commenter whom i knew through a japanese song typed in his/her comment that 'kimi wa osoraku subarashii josei desu (you are (i dare say) a wonderful woman). i dont know how close/far that statement is from truth (haha) but because
(1) it was typed in japanese and that
(2) i just talked to a japanese woman since two days ago (i was so excited i needed to pause a while to stop my body from shaking) and that
(3) i got to eat japanese foods i have never tasted before in my life (croquette & hokkaido's seaweed beans)
(4) for free! and further,
(5) made 'him' interested to eat japanese food as well (he has never eaten any in his life)
(6) and i have always dreamed of eating pretzels and today i got to eat one
(7) also for free!

have triggered me to write a new post.

just to say thank You, ya Allah.

for everything above, and everything else unlisted here.

alhamdulillah and thank you to all :)

did you know what is a slinky?

i used to have one when i was a kid, abah brought it home. it was, for me, one of the most intriguing, fascinating object i have seen in my entire life. i used to play with it a lot, letting it fall downstairs and repeatedly play it on my palms. i loved it a lot, and when it broke, i cried and couldnt let go.

the thing is, after that, i kept on searching for a replacement but i couldnt find one. and when i finally found it (i dont remember, somewhere during high school, perhaps?) it just didnt look the same anymore. none can beat the beauty that was possessed by the slinky that abah bought me; playing it sometimes making me feel that its therapeutic.

this is the closest that i could find

i can be obsessed with the phenomena of physics, so this may be the cause of me loving a slinky so much. haha~

later the other day, my auntie tagged me and my siblings some pictures of abah back when he was during his mission in mozambique. he was so thin it made me want to cry, but mama only commented with a laugh on where did my aunt got those pictures. it made me smile again, thinking about how mama has become more positive nowadays.

she spends much of her time less in front of the computer now and more into sewing, which she always find it so fond to do. she even sewn my torn underwear (i loved it so much i didnt want to get rid of it) and we all laughed about how funny it looked like.

and when 'he' went back home she was so happy and talked a lot with 'him' that made me feel that my life is so, so blessed. when i asked my brothers whether is it okay for me to marry 'him' they said 'yong, dah macam abang sendiri dah yong.' mama even call 'him' abang at home and apologized(!) when she said something wrong. i am so touched with what mama has done for me, please Allah make her happy and make 'us' make her happy. ameen3...

for the food record, i actually had a loafsome worth of happy food time since last week. i ate at sukhumvit restaurant, a thai-concept one at kampung baru and they had the best tomyam i have ever eaten. last monday i had my all-time favourite apam balik, kuetiow goreng and air mangga (this one's new) and yesterday mcD's double cheeseburger, bbq fries, diet coke, lime mcflurry and parkson's asam laksa. yesterday's asam laksa is the best asam laksa i have ever tasted, so did the bbq fries. the lime mcflurry tastes like solero, which reminded us (my sister and me) of childhood. you know how they said that the best food in the world turns you into a child again, dont you? and best of all, they are all cheap! :)

but of course, none can beat the times when i eat with my loved ones. no matter how bad they taste like, they are still the best :)

im spending much of my time trying to study geophysics in order right now. all the best to me. hehe~

ya Allah, thank you for surrounding me with the wealth of love, the sufficient of finance and the never ending forgiveness and blessings. alhamdulillah, ameen3...

the corridor smells like pink bubblegum, all sugar-watery and sticky

yes, i can have some serious imagination issues.

so it has been almost two months. this is strange, am i THAT occupied that i havent write that long?

considering the conditions that i'm currently in, being occupied might just as well describe my life best. well. *putting chin on the table, rolling eyes*

hence, what to write about this time?




since i have been blank for about an hour now, i guess i just have to stop this for now. *i dont know why i cannot write now*.

bye.