bambino episode 3

あたしは、まだわかいですよね？とてもたくさん勉強することがあるんです。(I’m still young, am I? I have so much more things to learn.)

Entering into a world mixed with pros and more experienced people, かんたんじゃないですね？(is not easy, isn’t it?) even though I have all the confidence it takes into it, I still don’t deserve it, isn’t it? They must have put all their effort into it, thus deserve the credit and the right to speak for others. But for me, I have to put in my best effort and wait patiently until the time comes, haven’t I? I still have a long, long way to go. Thus, I should be very careful, don’t hope too much and don’t work too hard.

But, you know. Somehow I feel that I don’t want to give up. Yes, it’s all hard and people see you as an immature kid who simply feel very proud of herself, but is actually empty inside. Lack of knowledge, very little experience. Walking around with so much confidence..things can go wrong, don’t they? If they really go wrong, what will I do?

I am stupid, aren’t I? At the end of the day, I might just cry and feeling all useless again. And while I try to crawl back to the point where I have started, I have to bear all the shame, am I?

Mm..さあね (I wonder).

Thinking about all these, always make me stand still. Always make me cry and they seem that they have no end to it. I keep on drifting..drifting..drifting. Undecided, and..immobile.

That’s why, even though it’s hard, I slowly try to walk in the direction of my dreams. They seem so far away and impossible, but..I guess I might just give them a try.

You are my witness, God. I’m in Your hand.