i woke up this morning feeling barely sober; and although i'm doing okay i kept on wondering what i would fill up this day with, apart from the obvious of course. i need to increase my adrenalin level again; i havent been shopping for long and i miss watching movies with him and anything related to his presence. the last sane food i ate (from what i can remember) was bubur lambuk which his mother bought from pasar tani and the last picture i scrutinized was a picture of us taken by his younger brother. how, with all my intelligence and brain capacity could i never fully fathom how i ended up with him- someone i have always waited and longing for and with whom, even though i can lay out a thousand things about him i still am learning to know the rest of him which i can never find enough, as well as reasons on how i am here beside him when there are a million other chances that i am not, and im not even tired of missing him a pinch.
ANYWAY. did you know that Malaysia now has a government body called Special Innovation Unit (Unik) and that the machine that we usually see in hospitals which beeps accordingly with a patient's heart beat is called electrocardiography?
there really are serious huge pile of stuffs to learn out here on earth. i feel like making my desk crowded and in mess again. lets lets!
i thank God and mr nordin for this new CPU, it works way better from my old one. i even been teased by seniors for its slow performance; they said my pc is slow like its owner. and when iPerintis personnel had it checked remotely, he asked me how long have i been patient with this underperforming pc. i said to him, '6 months,' and i heard him gasped, so i continued, 'really.'
but then i managed to set up a new CPU which was a relief; i can now do my work much faster and i dont have to wait long for files to open or download.
im now imagining myself wandering around mid valley doing, well, practically nothing; which is for me, an arbitrary to window shopping. i actually went to isetan this afternoon, with an aim to spend/shop on office clothes. however it wasnt achieved- the ones i wanted to buy were all not discounted. i conclude then that contrary to what rahimi said that i know nothing about fashion and brands, my intuition always point me to high-taste styles and wearings, which are at the moment, regrettably, are yet to be affordable.
i'll find those which have styles but are much more reasonable in price, then; usually in a less urban locations.
i am having ADD right now, which i cannot help, and its expanding every minute.
p/s: At-Tirmidzi meriwayatkan dari Abu Hurairah bahwa Rasulullah bersabda, “Ada tiga golongan yang pasti akan ditolong oleh Allah; seorang budak yang ingin menebus dirinya dengan mencicil kepada tuannya, orang yang ingin menikah karena ingin memelihara kesucian, dan pejuang di jalan Allah.”
— HR. At-Tirmidzi (no. 1352) kitab an-Nikaah, Ibnu Majah (no. 1512) dan dihasankan oleh Syaikh al-Albani dalam al-Misykaah (no. 3089), Shahiih an-Nasa-i (no. 3017), dan Shahiihul Jaami’ (no. 3050). -
Thursday, 16 December 2010
Sunday, 5 December 2010
denyut-denyut
acap kali aku buka kembali blog, mesti teringat kata-kata seorang kawan "dah lama kau tak menulis dalam bahasa melayu". aku kemudian fikir, di australia aku rajin menulis dalam bahasa melayu sebab majoriti orang adalah bukan melayu, jadi keinginan untuk berbahasa melayu tu tinggi. tapi bila dah pulang ke tanah air majoriti orang bertutur dalam bahasa inggeris maka aku lebih selesa menulis dalam bahasa inggeris. aku tahu ia paradoks tapi mungkin juga lah ia kerana sifat aku yang suka berahsia, maka kalau boleh, walaupun tidak mungkin, setidak-tidaknya aku dapat rahsiakan apa yang aku rasa dengan menulis dalam bahasa berlainan. yang peliknya, tidak kira di mana aku menulis pasti orang dari dunia mana pun mampu membaca tulisan ini asalkan mereka faham bahasa melayu dan inggeris. tapi itulah, walaupun pelik aku tetap buat seperti mana yang aku rasa.
sudah terlalu lama tak menulis dalam bahasa melayu, kekok benar rasanya.
sejak khamis aku batuk dan selesema, dengan demam dan sakit kepala. sekali bersin berbaki sakitnya di kepala, terasa berpinar-pinar. seluruh badan terutama bahagian kiri semakin lenguh dan sengal rasanya, dan betapa lama tidur pun lenanya tak sampai-sampai, tapi terpaksa kugagahkan juga supaya cepat sihat. harap-harapnya sakitku tidaklah menyusahkan sesiapa dan tidak melarat; begitu fikirku. pertama kali aku mencuba panadol soluble, boleh tahan berkesannya, alhamdulillah. tup tup tap teringat kisah nabi musa; kesakitan sembuh disebabkan oleh Allah bukan ubat, maka aku pun cuba bertahan; moga-moga mendapat keizinan.
kata abah, sakit itu kifarah. oh, semalam dalam mimpi aku jumpa abah. walaupun mimpi tu agak kabur; mungkin sebab aku yang tak berapa sihat, tapi gembiranya dapat berjumpa setelah beberapa waktu. harap-harap abah gembira di sana hendaknya.
hari ini sakitku sudah bertambah kurang, selera makan bertambah baik dan tenagaku cukup untuk membantuku mengemas bilik yang berhabuk dan mencuci cadar dan sarung bantal yang sudah lama tidak dicuci. sambil-sambil mengulang tayang sherlock holmes buat entah beberapa kali, cuba membunuh masa yang cuba membuatkan diri ini bertambah rindu.
tak mengapa, sesungguhnya setiap ketentuan itu ada hikmah dan pengajaran yang dibawanya.
maka aku mencuba menguatkan diri dengan sibuk melayan si kecil arisya yang petah. sudah pandai ber-facebook sekarang, malah lebih pandai ber-smiley daripadaku. ketawa dan komen-komennya sangat jernih dan tulus, bila kumenung-menungkan ingin sekali aku lihatnya senantiasa begitu walaupun jauh dari mungkin. bila semakin dewasa manusia pasti akan berubah menurut pengalaman, ilmu dan perasaannya serta dunia mana yang mencoraknya. dan tiada dunia yang jernih sekarang, betapapun semua menginginkannya. dunia juga semakin tua seperti kita.
malah dengan adegan-adegan yang amat menakutkan. (jika kalian baca buku berjudul 'half the sky' pasti kalian akan mengerti, bagaimana perempuan dilayan di dunia setiap hari. gerun dan menakutkan. ya Allah lindungilah kami keseluruhannya. ameen ameen ameen).
nampaknya sudah lewat..beransur dulu. minta maaf segala salah silap dan terima kasih atas kasih sayang semua. hanya Allah yang mampu membalasnya. ameen, ameen ameen ya Allah.
p/s; aqil sayang, selamat hari lahir. akak kira mesti kamu semakin muda dan dijaga baik di sana kan :)
mak sayang, selamat hari lahir..moga panjang umur, murah rezki dan sentiasa dlm sayang Allah selalu ameen.. =)
sudah terlalu lama tak menulis dalam bahasa melayu, kekok benar rasanya.
sejak khamis aku batuk dan selesema, dengan demam dan sakit kepala. sekali bersin berbaki sakitnya di kepala, terasa berpinar-pinar. seluruh badan terutama bahagian kiri semakin lenguh dan sengal rasanya, dan betapa lama tidur pun lenanya tak sampai-sampai, tapi terpaksa kugagahkan juga supaya cepat sihat. harap-harapnya sakitku tidaklah menyusahkan sesiapa dan tidak melarat; begitu fikirku. pertama kali aku mencuba panadol soluble, boleh tahan berkesannya, alhamdulillah. tup tup tap teringat kisah nabi musa; kesakitan sembuh disebabkan oleh Allah bukan ubat, maka aku pun cuba bertahan; moga-moga mendapat keizinan.
kata abah, sakit itu kifarah. oh, semalam dalam mimpi aku jumpa abah. walaupun mimpi tu agak kabur; mungkin sebab aku yang tak berapa sihat, tapi gembiranya dapat berjumpa setelah beberapa waktu. harap-harap abah gembira di sana hendaknya.
hari ini sakitku sudah bertambah kurang, selera makan bertambah baik dan tenagaku cukup untuk membantuku mengemas bilik yang berhabuk dan mencuci cadar dan sarung bantal yang sudah lama tidak dicuci. sambil-sambil mengulang tayang sherlock holmes buat entah beberapa kali, cuba membunuh masa yang cuba membuatkan diri ini bertambah rindu.
tak mengapa, sesungguhnya setiap ketentuan itu ada hikmah dan pengajaran yang dibawanya.
maka aku mencuba menguatkan diri dengan sibuk melayan si kecil arisya yang petah. sudah pandai ber-facebook sekarang, malah lebih pandai ber-smiley daripadaku. ketawa dan komen-komennya sangat jernih dan tulus, bila kumenung-menungkan ingin sekali aku lihatnya senantiasa begitu walaupun jauh dari mungkin. bila semakin dewasa manusia pasti akan berubah menurut pengalaman, ilmu dan perasaannya serta dunia mana yang mencoraknya. dan tiada dunia yang jernih sekarang, betapapun semua menginginkannya. dunia juga semakin tua seperti kita.
malah dengan adegan-adegan yang amat menakutkan. (jika kalian baca buku berjudul 'half the sky' pasti kalian akan mengerti, bagaimana perempuan dilayan di dunia setiap hari. gerun dan menakutkan. ya Allah lindungilah kami keseluruhannya. ameen ameen ameen).
nampaknya sudah lewat..beransur dulu. minta maaf segala salah silap dan terima kasih atas kasih sayang semua. hanya Allah yang mampu membalasnya. ameen, ameen ameen ya Allah.
p/s; aqil sayang, selamat hari lahir. akak kira mesti kamu semakin muda dan dijaga baik di sana kan :)
mak sayang, selamat hari lahir..moga panjang umur, murah rezki dan sentiasa dlm sayang Allah selalu ameen.. =)
Wednesday, 17 November 2010
Engaged
After a wholesome day of cooking with ma, a happy chatter with him and a good bath always help to unwind me. Right now I'm relaxing with my iPad which I found out to be very convenient whether with or without the Internet. Of course, having Internet with me all the time would be best.
I have never thought that I would be so lucky to own an iPad for free. But that Tuesday really was my day. First I got to attend a session on Geophysical Electromagnetic Prospecting which since I was small I had considerable interest in it. When I went into upper secondary school, during physics classes I had long awaited my teacher for class on electric and electromagentic. I won't say that I was damn good in it but I am crazy in the topic; as the session went on I couldn't stop my hands from shaking because I was too excited to learn more on how they apply electromagnetic principles in hydrocarbon sensing. Therefore I paused from writing and focused solely on what the speaker said and asked some questions. I planned to later copy the notes from syasya.
We rushed to the DesktopLaunch event where Halliburton was launching their new software. We already knew that there would be a lucky draw at the end of the event therefore we didn't forget to bring our business cards. I think we were the last three person who came; I put my business card first followed by syasya and danni. We went in and found ourselves seats; I sat beside afiq and I asked him what the new software was about. From what I understand, it collaborates seismic images and information about a geological area from various sources at the same time depending on what we request it to display, therefore enabling direct comparisons and prospect potential assessment to be done in realtime. I found it as a beneficial tool but I wonder about the computer capacity it would be demanding- and whether it is cost effective. But it was almost time for the launching and presentation to finish and I couldn't wait to copy the notes from syasya so I grabbed her book and started copying. Afiq asked me to share with him what we got from the previous session so I simply went over my notes. He said it was similar with dr deva's presentation but I could seldomly recall it because I didn't really understand what he taught, compared to this presentation which was delivered from a young enthusiasted guy from Irtkusk Company whose hands were also shaking and his breaths fell short whenever he reached a certain interesting point. I could honestly understand that- I am crazy about the topic as well.
When the time came for the lucky draw, we all looked ahead. There was only one lucky draw and also only one iPad to be won, and that was it. The man put his hands into the bowl and took a business card, he then held it in his hand. He was English. He announced that the winner was from Carigali and he would have trouble saying the name right.
"aqilah amir jamalullail..." I put my head up and looked in front. I was still copying notes so I was blurred for a moment when my name was called. When everyone was looking around and my friends were staring at me in an awe, then I realized what was happening. I stood up and made my way through the rows of chairs to a clearing at the center. People were taking pictures and I shyly went on to get my prize. And there I was, receiving a free iPad which I knew almost nothing about and would merely be thinking about having it in breezes.
And right now I'm typing this post through it. Everyone who knows about my winning said that I was very lucky. When I look back, I sure am feel thankful for this, ya Allah. You sure know how to cheer me up :) Alhamdulillah, thank you ya Allah..thank you everyone who pray for my blessed and easy rizq..may it flow rich and blissful for all of us..ameen3...
Happy eidul adha..
I have never thought that I would be so lucky to own an iPad for free. But that Tuesday really was my day. First I got to attend a session on Geophysical Electromagnetic Prospecting which since I was small I had considerable interest in it. When I went into upper secondary school, during physics classes I had long awaited my teacher for class on electric and electromagentic. I won't say that I was damn good in it but I am crazy in the topic; as the session went on I couldn't stop my hands from shaking because I was too excited to learn more on how they apply electromagnetic principles in hydrocarbon sensing. Therefore I paused from writing and focused solely on what the speaker said and asked some questions. I planned to later copy the notes from syasya.
We rushed to the DesktopLaunch event where Halliburton was launching their new software. We already knew that there would be a lucky draw at the end of the event therefore we didn't forget to bring our business cards. I think we were the last three person who came; I put my business card first followed by syasya and danni. We went in and found ourselves seats; I sat beside afiq and I asked him what the new software was about. From what I understand, it collaborates seismic images and information about a geological area from various sources at the same time depending on what we request it to display, therefore enabling direct comparisons and prospect potential assessment to be done in realtime. I found it as a beneficial tool but I wonder about the computer capacity it would be demanding- and whether it is cost effective. But it was almost time for the launching and presentation to finish and I couldn't wait to copy the notes from syasya so I grabbed her book and started copying. Afiq asked me to share with him what we got from the previous session so I simply went over my notes. He said it was similar with dr deva's presentation but I could seldomly recall it because I didn't really understand what he taught, compared to this presentation which was delivered from a young enthusiasted guy from Irtkusk Company whose hands were also shaking and his breaths fell short whenever he reached a certain interesting point. I could honestly understand that- I am crazy about the topic as well.
When the time came for the lucky draw, we all looked ahead. There was only one lucky draw and also only one iPad to be won, and that was it. The man put his hands into the bowl and took a business card, he then held it in his hand. He was English. He announced that the winner was from Carigali and he would have trouble saying the name right.
"aqilah amir jamalullail..." I put my head up and looked in front. I was still copying notes so I was blurred for a moment when my name was called. When everyone was looking around and my friends were staring at me in an awe, then I realized what was happening. I stood up and made my way through the rows of chairs to a clearing at the center. People were taking pictures and I shyly went on to get my prize. And there I was, receiving a free iPad which I knew almost nothing about and would merely be thinking about having it in breezes.
And right now I'm typing this post through it. Everyone who knows about my winning said that I was very lucky. When I look back, I sure am feel thankful for this, ya Allah. You sure know how to cheer me up :) Alhamdulillah, thank you ya Allah..thank you everyone who pray for my blessed and easy rizq..may it flow rich and blissful for all of us..ameen3...
Happy eidul adha..
Friday, 29 October 2010
yuzo hayashi- yawarakana jikan
its feeling a lil bit weird that im now listening to a song i used to listen to when i feel so lonely. at that time, i am far away from home, unlike now when my house is actually less than two hours by train.
i guess loneliness strikes without really cares how far you are from the things that you miss. and you can never miss something more than when you miss the past, because past is always the farthest.
i miss the past whenever i face difficult times. the thought of abah drowns me most in deep silence, beyond the sounds of passing vehicles and the chirps of the birds and the whistle of the breeze through the grass.
but just like when the rain falls onto the ground, washing away the streets and soaking the leaves with its drops, the thought of 'you' quenches my thirst and makes me feel alive and can walk or even run again. the thought of 'you' keeps me going, even when the deep silence urges me to stop and vanish.
i can smile without guilt again, because of 'you', even when i still miss abah like i always do.
i always do.
thank you, for being the rain of my life, which gives life and hope whenever i feel so low and lonely. i love you my soulmate.
i guess loneliness strikes without really cares how far you are from the things that you miss. and you can never miss something more than when you miss the past, because past is always the farthest.
i miss the past whenever i face difficult times. the thought of abah drowns me most in deep silence, beyond the sounds of passing vehicles and the chirps of the birds and the whistle of the breeze through the grass.
but just like when the rain falls onto the ground, washing away the streets and soaking the leaves with its drops, the thought of 'you' quenches my thirst and makes me feel alive and can walk or even run again. the thought of 'you' keeps me going, even when the deep silence urges me to stop and vanish.
i can smile without guilt again, because of 'you', even when i still miss abah like i always do.
i always do.
thank you, for being the rain of my life, which gives life and hope whenever i feel so low and lonely. i love you my soulmate.
Thursday, 7 October 2010
letto - sebelum cahaya
Lagu ini menceritakan tentang kisah kekasih hati yang begitu tabah untuk mencari cinta sejati. Sebelum datangnya cahaya, sudah tentu pahit maung akan ditempuhi. Bukan senang untuk mencari cinta sehingga sanggup melalui perjalanan yang begitu sunyi dan berliku. Perlambangan untuk kata embun pagi memberikan gambaran bahawa cahaya yang dimaksudkan ialah cahaya matahari. Sebagai simbolik kepada cahaya yang dapat menyuluh manusia ke jalan penuh ketenangan dan kebahagian. -Referred to a Website-
Ku teringat hati
Yang bertabur mimpi
Kemana kau pergi cinta
Perjalanan sunyi
Engkau tempuh sendiri
Kuatkanlah hati cinta
Chorus:
Ingatkan engkau kepada
Embun pagi bersahaja
Yang menemanimu sebelum cahaya
Ingatkan engkau kepada
Angin yang berhembus mesra
Yang kan membelaimu cinta
Kekuatan hati yang berpegang janji
Genggamlah tanganku cinta
Ku tak akan pergi meninggalkanmu sendiri
Temani hatimu cinta
Chorus
Ku teringat hati
Yang bertabur mimpi
Kemana kau pergi cinta
Perjalanan sunyi
Engkau tempuh sendiri
Kuatkanlah hati cinta
Chorus
Ku teringat hati
Yang bertabur mimpi
Kemana kau pergi cinta
Perjalanan sunyi
Engkau tempuh sendiri
Kuatkanlah hati cinta
Chorus:
Ingatkan engkau kepada
Embun pagi bersahaja
Yang menemanimu sebelum cahaya
Ingatkan engkau kepada
Angin yang berhembus mesra
Yang kan membelaimu cinta
Kekuatan hati yang berpegang janji
Genggamlah tanganku cinta
Ku tak akan pergi meninggalkanmu sendiri
Temani hatimu cinta
Chorus
Ku teringat hati
Yang bertabur mimpi
Kemana kau pergi cinta
Perjalanan sunyi
Engkau tempuh sendiri
Kuatkanlah hati cinta
Chorus
Friday, 24 September 2010
clove balm & coveralls
being away offshore for the first time, feeling the waves crawling underneath the vessel is quite a new experience for me. this is the second day of sailing, i am still adapting to the shaky movement of the ship with my stomach sometimes filled with too many gas. it has been like this for more than a week now.
im catching up on work; and i have left my novel reading for almost a week now. but at the other end i get to be online more. and thus can write.
ひさしぶりだよね。。さ。。前回 （ぜんかい）何の帰ったこと （かえったこと）をわすれちゃったんだよ。。今あたしの新しいコンピュータで日本語でタイプにできるから、うれしい。。
日本語の勉強するにとてもこいしいだ。。
ｉｔ ｈａｓ ｂｅｅｎ ａ ｌｏｎｇ ｔｉｍｅ， ｉｓｎ’ｔ ｉｔ？ ｌｅｔ’ｓ ｓｅｅ．．ｔｈｅ ｌａｓｔ ｔｉｍｅ ｉ ｗｒｏｔｅ ａｎｙｔｈｉｎｇ ｉｎ ｊａｐａｎｅｓｅ ｗａｓ ａ ｔｉｍｅ ｉ ｃａｎ’ｔ ｅｖｅｎ ｒｅｍｅｍｂｅｒ．．ｗｉｔｈ ｍｙ ｎｅｗ ｃｏｍｐｕｔｅｒ ｔｈａｔ ｉ ｃａｎ ｗｒｉｔｅ ｊａｐａｎｅｓｅ； ｉｔ ｍａｋｅｓ ｍｅ ｈａｐｐｙ．．
ｉ ｍｉｓｓ ｌｅａｒｎｉｎｇ ｊａｐａｎｅｓｅ．．
"Success is getting what you want. Happiness is wanting what you get."
-Dale Carnegie
im catching up on work; and i have left my novel reading for almost a week now. but at the other end i get to be online more. and thus can write.
ひさしぶりだよね。。さ。。前回 （ぜんかい）何の帰ったこと （かえったこと）をわすれちゃったんだよ。。今あたしの新しいコンピュータで日本語でタイプにできるから、うれしい。。
日本語の勉強するにとてもこいしいだ。。
ｉｔ ｈａｓ ｂｅｅｎ ａ ｌｏｎｇ ｔｉｍｅ， ｉｓｎ’ｔ ｉｔ？ ｌｅｔ’ｓ ｓｅｅ．．ｔｈｅ ｌａｓｔ ｔｉｍｅ ｉ ｗｒｏｔｅ ａｎｙｔｈｉｎｇ ｉｎ ｊａｐａｎｅｓｅ ｗａｓ ａ ｔｉｍｅ ｉ ｃａｎ’ｔ ｅｖｅｎ ｒｅｍｅｍｂｅｒ．．ｗｉｔｈ ｍｙ ｎｅｗ ｃｏｍｐｕｔｅｒ ｔｈａｔ ｉ ｃａｎ ｗｒｉｔｅ ｊａｐａｎｅｓｅ； ｉｔ ｍａｋｅｓ ｍｅ ｈａｐｐｙ．．
ｉ ｍｉｓｓ ｌｅａｒｎｉｎｇ ｊａｐａｎｅｓｅ．．
"Success is getting what you want. Happiness is wanting what you get."
-Dale Carnegie
Monday, 23 August 2010
miley cyrus- when i look at you
i tilted my feet, so that i could put my piece of paper that i found after scrambling through my quicksilver bag onto my lap that was now straight, and started writing.
before i got out from the car, ma reminded me to pay more attention to my surroundings; to the people around. i wondered if i have the type of face that's attractive, which is of course questionable in the sense of whether it is good or otherwise, or she just kept her toes on news too well she couldnt help from worrying about her daughter's safety. her words 'dont take things for granted' made me to practice on simply looking at people's faces when i walked pass them. awkward enough, i found it somehow methodical and unpleasing.
i remembered once at the airport, a man told me 'nothing will happen to a lady as sweet as you.' i could still remember his words because i keep on questioning them.
the sunset sky was shining orange and was surrounded by blueish grey and white linings of puffy clouds stretched into thin lines like cotton rolls. sunsets; they are always silently beautiful by their own; being too far from men to reach. i wonder do they sometimes feel sad that despite they are beautiful, they are distant enough that people, lots of times, tend to overlook?
and then i wondered if that was really their feeling or its just the resemblance of my own.
further away i could see brightness striking out from pendarflour lights of high flats as the train moves quite slowly. i imagined different faces belonging to each well-lit squares; people doing different things at the very same time, being individuals when they are not that very physically apart. i tried to link with them, with the reason that perhaps one or two might actually understand how i felt, yet i eventually slashed that possibility out. but then i figured out that regardless, He still listens intently to each hearts, without failing even the tiniest detail.
feeling absorbed and helpless, i didnt really know what i then should be telling Him, or what should i pray for. at least i knew what to write about; it has been quite some time now i supposed.
in the coldness that blanketed me through the whole journey, i remembered your face sending me flying kisses; your shoulders relaxed and your eyes were calm as ever.
i couldnt help myself from smiling, no matter how much i tried to hide it, and i wasnt afraid anymore.
before i got out from the car, ma reminded me to pay more attention to my surroundings; to the people around. i wondered if i have the type of face that's attractive, which is of course questionable in the sense of whether it is good or otherwise, or she just kept her toes on news too well she couldnt help from worrying about her daughter's safety. her words 'dont take things for granted' made me to practice on simply looking at people's faces when i walked pass them. awkward enough, i found it somehow methodical and unpleasing.
i remembered once at the airport, a man told me 'nothing will happen to a lady as sweet as you.' i could still remember his words because i keep on questioning them.
the sunset sky was shining orange and was surrounded by blueish grey and white linings of puffy clouds stretched into thin lines like cotton rolls. sunsets; they are always silently beautiful by their own; being too far from men to reach. i wonder do they sometimes feel sad that despite they are beautiful, they are distant enough that people, lots of times, tend to overlook?
and then i wondered if that was really their feeling or its just the resemblance of my own.
further away i could see brightness striking out from pendarflour lights of high flats as the train moves quite slowly. i imagined different faces belonging to each well-lit squares; people doing different things at the very same time, being individuals when they are not that very physically apart. i tried to link with them, with the reason that perhaps one or two might actually understand how i felt, yet i eventually slashed that possibility out. but then i figured out that regardless, He still listens intently to each hearts, without failing even the tiniest detail.
feeling absorbed and helpless, i didnt really know what i then should be telling Him, or what should i pray for. at least i knew what to write about; it has been quite some time now i supposed.
in the coldness that blanketed me through the whole journey, i remembered your face sending me flying kisses; your shoulders relaxed and your eyes were calm as ever.
i couldnt help myself from smiling, no matter how much i tried to hide it, and i wasnt afraid anymore.
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