i am becoming tireder and tireder day by day.
i dont know how long i can last- to stay positive.
feels like the burden is becoming heavier and heavier, and all i have been doing is focusing on keeping myself together, and wait a lil bit more. breaking into tears and having to suppress feelings have become normal.
at first, it was like waiting for my cue to come, but slowly the cue seems to vanish, everything becomes blurred and sometimes i cannot see anything anymore, even seeing where i am putting my feet on. i have been trying to tell myself that everything will be okay, but then i started to wonder will i be included in the 'ok list'. if all my dreams collapse, will there be anyone who'll be there for me?
which made me finally think, that's alright.
as long as everyone else is okay, it will already be good for me.
i may not be able to achieve all my dreams, i may spend my life trying to repay for all my sins, but if it makes everything okay, it should do.
i always remind myself to be thankful for everything i already have. i might lose it in the future, but at least i have had those beautiful times to remember. if all these pain is worth all my sins and enable everyone to be happy, i will be glad to endure them.
just a lil bit more, because i know that it wont be too long.
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