frank sinatra- my way

And now the end is near
And so I face the final curtain
My friend, I'll say it clear
I'll state my case of which I'm certain
I've lived a life that's full
I've travelled each and every highway
and more, much more than this
I did it my way

Regrets I've had a few
But then again too few to mention
I did what I had to do
And saw it through without exemption
I planned each chartered course
Each careful step along the by-way
And more, much more than this
I did it my way

Yes, there were times
I'm sure you knew
When I bit off more than I could chew
But through it all when there was doubt
I ate it up and spit it out
I faced it all
And I stood tall
And did it my way

I've loved, I've laughed, and cried
I've had my fill, my share of losing
And now, as tears subside
I find it all so amusing
To think I did all that
And may I say, not in a shy way
"Oh no, oh no, not me
I did it my way"

For what is a man, what has he got?
If not himself then he has naught
To say the things he truly feels
And not the words of one who kneels
The record shows I took the blows
And did it my way

Yes, it was my way

there's only one pity that frank sinatra is not a muslim. i pray, ya Allah, please grant him with Your knowledge and hidayah. i admire how some people who are not muslims can understand life so well, despite their life without islam. how Allah wants to show that, the understanding of life only comes to those who want to understand and open their hearts to it. since i was a child, i just dont know how to lie. being honest about everything was an important part of my life; i didnt cheat when i cried, i didnt lie when i tell people that i love them, and i wont say "i love you" without i really mean it. 'cause i know that Allah knows everything about me; how can i ever cheat? and through that, i learnt to be sincere to myself and others around me, eventhough some things just hurt when they are spoken out, but i rather tell the truth or be silent. but i wont ever cheat; and i dont do things for my own sake. im not ashamed of myself, im proud to be own self, and i accept myself as who i am. i know my capabilities, my potentials, my dreams and i will work towards them.

sometimes, when i face the bitter parts of my life, i tried to run away so that i wont feel sad, but to no avail. ive learnt that i have to accept them, understand them, "eat them and spit them out" and then, move on. i have to face them, hard. but i know that it's worth it. im growing up, and i wont give up. yes, ive cried, i fell, i lost, but that's not the end. with the blessings of my God, i wont ever give up. i just wont. i saw, i felt, i learnt, i understood, i made my decisions, i face the consequences, and i will move on. i will keep on going eventhough the tears are still running down my cheek. i wont stop.

and i wont pretend that im not affected. ive gone through the times; when i couldnt sleep at nights missing the people i love, and when i cried while i was eating, when i missed my classes because i overslept or to finish my assignments, when i cried because it was too cold, when i was condemned and put at fault when i did nothing wrong, when i fell and my leg ached and wounded. but im not ashamed of them, at all. because they all make me as who i am today. He put them in my life for me to learn, to be a human. and i never doubt Him and the decisions He made for me. eventhough i havent understand them all, but i will never quit trying.

the decisions are not always a pleasure, though. ive learnt how hard it is to make a correct decision. sean was right when he said that 'you will never be brave before you love someone more than you love yourself'. loving ourselves is the easiest thing to do; no risks involved and it's all about us alone. but when you love someone, you think far ahead, the future for both of you, and you will be brave to make desicions. eventhough it may be hard, but when you know that you have to do it, you will just know that you cant run away, you have to be bold and make up your mind, carry out your decisions and face the consequences. He helped me a lot in dealing this, giving me understanding and courage to make the choice. and sometimes, like sis eisya said, "you have to be selfish." you cant change everything, and if you think that you are badly affected when things arent going the way you think they should, you have to speak out eventhough it may hurt others, or you have to make your stand and state your principles. you have to protect yourself when the time calls. you have to choose; and you have to prepare to lose something in return. that's unavoidable, but i always believe in Him that if i know what i am doing, i should be brave to accept the effects of my doings, and He is always here to answer me when i calls, and He will show me my wrongs and give me uderstanding and courage to improve myself.

i dont want to copy others. i live my own life, and i want to be my best self. i will try to understand what makes me me my whole life, but that's ok; i will continue learning and i wont stop. and i wont give up. these are the words that will keep me moving:

"kenal siapa diri? diri ini hak siapa?"

"tepuk dada tanya iman. letak AQ dan sunnah di depan. akal berfikir ikut skop AQ dan sunnah."

and i found the work endless.