temporary

there's this smell in the air when they are happy. the colour around us tinges when they laugh, i felt i could sketch them into pictures hung permanently on my mind. the time while waiting for our lunch and we played true or dare and mama also joined, and we had to skip the question of "who you hate the most in the house" when it was her turn. we made fun of each other and mama was coolest about it. and their faces when we sat real close to the cinema screen and we were eating popcorns and we laughed when Max punched Charlie after he succeeded bringing Atom on his own and spent the rest of the previous night trying to dig it out.

and after that we stopped by tutti frutti and made our own ice cream cup with chocolate, strawberry and vanilla flavors sprinkled with nuts, colorful ring cereals, M&Ms, chocolate rice, choc chips and marshmallows. we went back and everyone was smiling and we brought special food for afiq and awin at home. everything was perfect that day. i sat at the back seat on our way home and thought, 'man. i wish we had a bigger car so afiq and awin could join.'

everyone deserved it, the trip to OU. that's what i thought. ahnaf and rais were urging me to bring them earlier this month, and i said we had to postpone because they were still doing the final exams at that time. and when they had finished, we had to postpone it again to the next day because afiq had to use the car to uni. and mama said, 'i also want to watch movie.' which made me quite surprised; i never knew mama would wanted to join.

and it was worth it. i was glad that everyone was happy. later that night we even watched a movie again together at home and we stayed late. He knows how happy they were, how happy i was to see that.

i will reminisce this day, often. it was real nice to see everyone was genuinely happy, even abang and adik.

because everyday is not the same, i never know whether that day will repeat itself.

and i dont know for how long will my presence in my loved ones' lives be relevant, or needed, or longed for.

but for the times that i still have, i'll do whatever i can. just to make you happy. just to make sure you're okay. and You, You know my prayers, i'm sure you do, because they are what i keep on repeating each day. the ones i cried for so You may accept.

with all my humbleness, please accept. please.

im having the fever again. and im experiencing the same thing again. so please remind me, on why i am doing this. please remind me, to wait just a little bit more. please remind me, that it wont be long.

it wont be long, right?

p.s.

remember the story of the Prophet when he saw an orphan girl with torn clothes crying when she saw other kids with new beautiful clothes on hajj celebration day? she went to the kid and asked her why but she kept on crying without even looked up. she said that her dad died in a war with the Prophet and her mom had remarried with a man who deserted her. the Prophet's face changed and he pat the girl's head and brought her home with all the good things he and his wife, Aisyah could give.

just be like him.

thank you and sorry for everything, everyone.