i just finished watching 'the informant' starred by matt damon. i dont know why, his movies always have a way to make my head think of what i perhaps never brought myself to ponder upon. this time, it is about lying.
it scares me to tears to think about what could have been; the worst case scenario, i mean. how people can get swayed so far away doing a wrong thing, be it any types of crimes- stealing, cheating, white collar crimes, killing, even arguing with your friends and not respecting your own family- without knowing how big a disaster it has made upon you. when and how to stop. who would helped you realize that all the way, it has all been...wrong. and will you get the strength to change for the better, or will you even have the time and chances to mend things, to put things right. will there be people to help you get through your past, your guilt, your loss.
people can be so blinded by their ambitions, dreams and even themselves that they cannot see the truth anymore. more importantly when we are living in a world where religion and moral values are at second, well, perhaps third (or last?) place in human's heart, it is not easy to see and practice the solution to this problem anymore. one thing that comes into my mind then is that, i just hope i'll die well. and that i'll be saved. and i hope that everyone whom i know accept the same grateful fate. ameen.
all these uncertainties and fright for the future makes me contemplate how far people can go strolling down his or her life just to realize how much they love all the people that they left back home. and that all i have wanted is a life been blessed, no matter how hard it may be. it is hard to stay true to yourself, it's hard to stand being patient when life throws rubbish at your face, it's hard dealing with people with very different characteristics from yourself, it's hard to be intrapersonal sometimes, it's hard to keep your head high and continue trying to keep your pace with other people, not wanting to be left out, when sometimes you actually dont even care.
i was touched with this week's episode of 'bersamamu'. like malay people said, 'sudah jatuh ditimpa tangga.' but i am deeply amazed by their spirit to make living and dealing with their drawbacks. the husband said that whenever he works, even if he doesnt stop for a rest at all, his wife never asks him to take a break, and he's okay with it. he said, 'we do as much as we can.' i found it beautiful because it gives them a clear purpose to live, when many of us are granted so many but still are lost in reasoning. but i guess, a soul is gifted with what it is able to carry.
alhamdulillah, we are still loved and blessed. alhamdulillah.
off to bed. take good care everyone. assalamualaikum and sleep tight.. =)
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