i couldnt imagine speaking to my boy yet, that's why its the daughter this time

someone noticed that i havent written for quite some time so i told her the reason is because i am busy with preparing for my wedding.

'so you should write about your wedding.'

well, that's...irony, dear. but i didnt have the idea to really write, until now. its because i actually have some time now (while waiting for movie time) and because i wondered about something.

it is this- i want to write to my (future) daughter. wahai anakku (ok that is quite jelly-sound for me).

i want to tell her how much his mother loves her father, and how her father loves her mother more. and i want to tell her why her parents' love is special. out of the world. jupiter-like.

and what's more important is, i want to tell her that loving is hard. but she'll survive, just like her parents have survived.

dear child,

getting married means having something you never knew before.

for example, acne.

when out of the blue, one morning, you might feel like your world has a dim future, because acne never registered as a possible feature in the history of your grandeur life. you, a very cute little thing, who have features like kim tae hee, has acne. not one, not two, but several, like volcanoes waiting to erupt. like a map waiting to be drawn. its that scary that it would make you aware of your sleeping position, because you read that the side of your face which is routinely fixed onto the pillow might have a higher chance for acne to develop.

it would make you spend thousands of ringgit (i am not kidding) to try different face products that might ease and put away the acne. and there was a time when you felt like you have to learn to accept the possibility that acne might just stay and be a part of your life, forever, and the only thing that might make you remember how beautiful you used to be is the pictures in your facebook account. for better or for worse, you might then think. it has been almost a damn full year, and you still havent fully recovered. with all the things that are happening in your life, you might just curse and say 'just screw all this thing'.

there's another thing you might notice when you are getting married, my child.

that you both will fight, sometimes badly, you might cry more because you are hurt rather than because you miss him, and suddenly things are not that sweet anymore it might sometimes become lame. you might think that you would be stuck with the same person with the same habits and you might start to question whether you really are ready or not.

and sometimes when you put faith into the relationship and try to work it out, it worked one time but the fight happens again another time, not long after, and it would make you angry and very, very tired. you would sometimes ask yourself what are you actually doing, because you dont know anything about him and yourself anymore.

and even writing this is tiring, mama needs to stop for a while. we'll continue later, lovely. dont tell your daddy i tell you this, okay.