i actually blathered

reading aijud's writings made me feel annoyed a little. im so free, yet didnt write anything. and there he is, flowing with words- effortlessly (from what i believe).

maybe i should read more, so that i can write more. im more to watching right now and worrying about jobs and moving out and that there's little that i can do they didnt even bother me to make me stand up and settle them. and that made me felt stranded.

and i am, still.

things can be done now if i push them, but that wont help.

because it isnt their time yet. still, not. i have to wait a little. as people always say, wait for the right time, the right place.

the right person...? ehem ehem. ;p

anyhow, mama said i should write during holidays.

well, i wish it can be that easy. ideas dont come that often isnt it? and the fact that you have to construct and organize them in your mind before you type- they need processes. sometimes they are torrential, which may be good (coupled with all the hassles of exams and stresses and problems that explain why i can write more when i am actually having tests and exams). but sometimes, they are luggish you even feel bored thinking about it (surprisingly coupled with free time!)

or else, they also depends on trigger, just like a thunderstorm. a thunderstorm needs a trigger- maybe a cold front or a trough line- to form. (now im talking about atmospheric science, which i like anyway).

well, triggers are like when you read someone else's writings and suddenly get inspired by it it made you feel that nothing can daunt you from writing (like what im doing now), or that you read something and suddenly see another related picture of it that includes you or that you may be related to it, or you may experience something that made you realize something and eventually write something (which is rare if you are me right now- spending most of my 24 hours in my room- u cant really experince anything, do you?).

and etc etc

well, i might tell a story.

yesterday, i watch the last samurai, and it was quite awesome (i just got the chance to actually watch it), because they actually speak japanese in there! (i am excited, honestly). i couldnt remember since when, but i realized that i love japanese. their words, language, mentality- they somehow suit me in some ways. im still digesting them.

now i realized something- that i couldnt recall the time when i actually fell in love- with something or someone, even with mama. how awkward yet true.

most important lines from the story are these:

"are you going to fight?"

"yes, if they come."

"why? you are not one of us at the first place. you are white (referring to algren nathan) not japanese like us."

"because they want to destroy the ones that i have come to love."

the message is quite clear, isnt it?

compare them to this drama- House.

hugh laurie is a star. it is as if he was actually born to be house.

and the stories are more to real life, present pace and current world.

not everything is that easy. life can be complicated sometimes, but we just have to deal with it.

and realizing that we are normal human beings with limited capacities,

there's nothing wrong in taking some rest, feeling less worried and be calm (this is especially to me, someone who sometimes forget about her existence).

and to picture this, i actually found a quote from someone in friendster that suits my 'intended' expressions for the feelings:

"have you forgotten to love yourself?"

p/s: aijud, i tried to copy your colorful (as you might have spelled) words to make your post looks more lively. it did, and is infecting me too. hehe