K.I.S.S.

i decided to go home after isyak prayer to get my new swimming suit which has just arrived yesterday. so i brought along necessities which included the Picoult's novel The Changing Heart.

as i flipped through the pages and been absorbed into the story, i realized how sensitive i was at small things such as people laying their bodies onto the standing pole thus blocking others to hold to it, water leakage from somewhere running on the floor and almost soaked my thank-God waterproof shopping bag, the way i stood and posed myself.

when the train stopped at Kuang and the door slowly opened, damp and fresh air rushed in and brushed my face. i could feel the breeze and thought, 'ahh..i'm breathing the air of Kuang. the air here is not the same as it is at Rawang where i usually breath.' my feet were just a few centimeters away from stepping on Kuang's ground, and it made me wonder whether i should take the chance to hop out for a second and hop back in; just so that i could add in a little bit of Kuang's memory inside me with one second worth of touch.

but as i was drifted by my weights of thoughts, the door slowly closed back on me.

what if that was my only chance? what if chances are all that we have got while we are still living?

i reflected upon my sensitivity, my past actions, my whines and worries about things that could happen; before they happen.

i realized that i cannot change what have happened and things that had been done; but i can change how i view them and how i spend my life now. and yes, i have no idea about the future, but i can pray, hope and trust for the best.

i remembered how he always tell me that i have done nothing wrong. i remembered how he saw me cry and convinced me that everything will be okay. i remembered how warm he was when he was close enough for me to feel his breath on my face as he told me that he loves me- many times. i remembered how he always try his best to make me happy and put a smile on my face and never let me go. i wonder how many times i have overlooked his smile, his sadness, his struggling.

and then i remembered about my brothers and sisters, and how they just want to be happy, and how much i am capable to make that happen. i know sometimes i ignored them, even for the best reasons that i should still have to make up to them. and i want to make them happy so badly.

and there's this one person that always stay. no matter how difficult i have made her, no matter how long the journey has been, no matter how lost and alone she had been. i remembered how many times she kisses me every time she kisses me (one at the forehead, another at my nose, then my left and right cheek, and sometimes my chin and mouth), and remembered how tight she always hug me each time she had to send me off. i remembered how she overcame her sadness when i was mad at her and how she struggled to made up to me. every time i went home she cooks and prepare the most lavish cuisine of her own creativity, and i'm never able to say no for seconds because they are so delicious. my mama who teaches me the meaning of unconditional love and acceptance.

no matter how many difficult times i face with these people above, no matter how hard, no matter how depressing. they are always there with me, i wonder how many times they have been taken for granted.

dear God, i am so thankful for having them in my life. i'll say thank You as long as i can, as many times as i can. i'll grab the chances You give me piece by piece, trying to make the best out of them within the capability of my small and limited hands. i'll apology for the lost, the hurt and the ignored. to You i rely, to You i say pray for them and me for our happiness, strength and success.

i love you all..i really do...

p/s: happy belated birthday awin ;)